I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
