No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
