i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
