Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The ass gains better be worth it
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