I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
