I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
