You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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