Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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