All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
