Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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