Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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