I look better un-naked...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
