I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
