No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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