walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Success! We fucked roommates!
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