Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
