A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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