She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
