We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
why is half of my head shaved?
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