just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
