cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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