My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
