these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
