Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
