Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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