I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
