yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
