Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
