So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
