you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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