She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
