is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
