Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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