Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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