I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
