Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
