Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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