I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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