You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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