the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
