This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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