An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
