Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize