I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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