the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
