we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
