just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
