i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
