I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
