He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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