just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
