just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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