They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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