I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
