Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
