i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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