Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
