After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
