I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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