I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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